Dear Person I once called friend,

You are the backstabber I seen coming but never knew how lost you were. Never realized how much you lost yourself in college. I never realized how much you weren't the person I knew. Any women that would persuade a man because he was being faithful is a bitch and is not my friend. You are the type of girl who will open their legs for anyone but how dare you try and open them for him. For years I could not cut you off. But I do not support you. I do not trust you and I do not have love for you. Any women that tries to get my boyfriend in the sack is dead to me. You had a bet with your dirty friends over him. Days when you had no one you had me and you back stabbed me. Allowed others to talk about me when you were suppose to defend me as a friend. I release you from my life. For awhile I still held on to our friendship from our teenager years but all of that is gone. And I no longer need that in my life. I wish you the best of luck but I will not be supporting you.

sweetie

Sweetie I am sorry to tell you but your empty.

Looking for lust when there is none

All he can offer you is a stiff dick

Not confidence

Sweetie possibly you should seek a purpose

Because your chasing sperm and they have a short lifespan

Sweetie after he rolls off you

Are you accomplished?

Do you receive an award for continuing to be his black hole?

If you chased your own sense of self like you do men

Then you wouldn't feel bad

Every time he passes you in the hallway

Sweetie it is time you learned that you are your own superwoman

Discover how far you can fly once you get off your back

Sweetie your greatest assets are not between your legs but in your mind

In your strength to overcome

In your strength to change

Just me

Do not judge me for my name

Yes my name is Fantashia Shelic Hamilton

But it is my crown not to be confused with

GHETTO

Yes I am from Brooklyn

A borough people only read about what want to call it the hood

People look at me and judge but my accomplishment speaks for themselves

Yes I am a women with tattoos and a piercing

Does that make me unqualified to make a difference

You want to plaster me with fake labels

As if I cannot live up to greatest

I am a leader

Many doors have closed within my face but

Many doors have holes in them from me kicking them down

You may judge me

And believe that I am a product of my community

I will accept it because Brooklyn has birth me not to take any bullshit from anyway

To make a way when there is no way and continue to crawl even if you have been knocked down

I am not sorry for anything life has handed me

They are simply experiences that I have lived through

Which is why I am a

FIGHTER

Two and a half

Two and a Broken half

I am deeply sadden that something I helped build is not turning out to be what I would like it to be. I build an organization from my love sweat and tears and watched it turn into some type of sex organizations. There are enough things out there promoting sex education but not sexual assault awareness. The organization I so once loved is falling victim to being more concerned about numbers than the message it is being put out. I HAD faith in everyone that I voted to be on the E-board but has no one not spoken up towards these topics? I feel rather torn like how can I feel so harshly towards something I made. Probably because the message is no longer what I envisioned. It is only what makes everyone else happy, and not breaking down barriers like it should be.

I hear complaints about members that I voted for an it makes me sad. People I thought I could trust I left with the highest positions and those are the people that let me down. Traditions that we held like E-board grab bag, dinner and a movie, and Sexual Assault Awareness Conference were all cut out of the promote sex curriculum. I find myself sick to my stomach because this is what I did not want. I did not want a program I love, something symbolic to me to fall to ashes. Seems like all the members that we suppose to be executive were more concerned with the wrong agenda. I quiet hold my tongue as I am filled with regret for the organization that I so desperately love is being ripped apart.

Ramble

You have been amazing and then you are amazingly crazy I can not fall back and be who I use to be. I can not roll back into the 50s and be that quiet little housewife. The worst thing God may have done was give me a voice so that I can curse your sorry ass out. You have made me a great women but made me extremely crazy at the same time. I refresh to be a washed up women who is mad constantly over love. You are an asshole and that is not my fault. I will be a strong women and admit when I am hurt and baby you heart me. Shit you broke my heart and I am scared to ever love again but I can not allow you to continue to break. I will always carry around the scars you gave me. But I will let you go because you pain can no longer be my baggage I am a strong women and refuse to let you break me any further. Thank you for the love you have shared with me but that is no longer what I require from you to survive.

Fight.... Because

Fight against love
because love is not for you
Fight the tears running from your eyes
because once you start you wouldnt be able to stop
Fight back because you tried
you gave your heart to wrong guy
No you gave your heart to the right guy at the wrong
Fight because you can't have him
because he is married to life
Just dream about the memories of being with him
Fell free to daydream because things will never be the same again
Fight against his charm
because he can't charm his heart in wanting you to be his girlfriend
Fight to restore your heart
because real love will not leave you in pieces



“Love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest...”

My Prayer to my dad

Six children later can you say you have done right by us. I pray that you find love to accept and love all your children openly. I pray that you learn that your children are not a hobby but human beings that survive on love. I pray that they love enough to take care of you when you get old. I pray that you have been around your other two daughters enough that they would want you to walk them down the isle. Because I prefer the women that raised me. I pray you wake up crying for me as I use to do for you. I pray you change for the sake of your children that do not already hate you. I pray that you are capable to love your children like you have love countless women before. I pray for change, I pray you change. I forgive you for abandoning your first born because of a fight you had with my mother. Nothing should keep you away from your children. I pray your pride subsides so that you can be vulnerable enough to show your children that you love them. I pray you stop being a punk and put your children number one in your life. I pray you have much success in your life because you do not need to be a failure at anything else. I pray you learn to hug and kiss your children. I pray you learn that your children are not trophies but people, you can not claim their accomplishments if you had no help with molding them. I pray you become the man you want to me, the father you need to be and the grandfather you will eventually be.

I can't make excuses for you. I love you for helping to give me life, because my personality is just like yours. I hate you for allowing my mother to raise her own while you enjoyed your life and created more kids you would not take care of. But I forgive you because I can not allow my demons to follow me through out life.