I statements

Not this again
Am I really that bad?

No

Well shit I guess I am not that good.

I need to be put in a group i can understand
when people try to spare your feelings
they want to use "I" statements
as if they are the ones that are getting down played
No I am the reason that this keeps happening
Don't tell me its you best your the one doing it.
Its like the great big bald eagle
came to shit on my parade.
Then you want to tell me that it wasn't my fault
If I was a student who got kicked out of school
who fault would it be

mine

No matter how great you want to make me feel
after making me feel bad
the truth of the matter is
there is something wrong with me
for blaming myself
every time you can't make up your mind
Next time give me the full statement
Tell me I am the reason
that we are back in this dilemma again
and I need to change because it is clashing with you
and I will kindly thank you for your honesty and say
fuck you

The maze of life

Run run little girl
but she fines herself running into a trap
she feels like a mouse in a maze
everyone telling her to keep going
but none telling her which way to go
you have people in one corner places bets at how far she will get
the other corner is crying because she keeps making mistakes
but every time she asks for help outside the maze
everyone tells her that this is her life
and she must choose which path is best for her
who ever said a maze wasnt life is wrong
we choose to play with creatures
and consider it past time
but all we are doing is passing time on our life.
Her maze isnt complete but she has stop taking the long way around ever corner
isn't of stopping at a dead in
she breaks through it and makes her own path

Camp Life

Where is my place?
I am at a job that can help my career.
But it doesn't come with the staff I want
Is this all a lesson that i am suppose to learn
What is a girl to do when she no long comes first in her life?
This job has taking away from my sanity and is just forcing me to live
not live as myself but just live in this world in order to survive.
I want to be men again, I worked so hard to accomplish myself
to feel proud of myself
and now one job has put me in an envirnoment
where I don't know where I am

ALONE

Here is the test you either past or fail
but do you ever past but still feel as if you failed. Well that is how i feel at the moment.
I feel like at times I have set my bar so high that my happiness can never be reached.

I notice that I like to be alone
because happiness isn't always something that was meant for me.
I fight myself but I never win.
Seems like I have still never define my soul therefore at times i do not know who I am

Things don't come easy for me
at times i sit and wonder do I deserve this.
What is my destiny because at times I feel that I will be miserable because
thats how i feel when I am alone.

Alone is what I feel
I feel like no one really knows me
even the people that is closes to me,
I feel like they don't try hard enough to get to know me

Alone is what I feel, even in a crowded room its just me ALONE

Look Up

Look up
Look up
its hard for a girl to raise her head
because she doesn't know how to walk with pride
she is afraid when she looks up
her father's fist will knock her right back down

Girls are scared to Look up these days
because their futures don't look bright.
They have to deal with
people at home who don't love them
people at school who don't understand them
people who just wanna bullying them.

Look up sweetie
Look up
its not easy to tell a girl it will get better
because you don't know that
no one knows her struggles
no one can protect her from her family

But can anyone be there to shine some light in her life?

Why do you perm your hair?

There is no place for a natural girl in a perm world

I remember my ex boyfriend asking me

Why do you perm your hair?

Idk, its just something black people do.

Its cold
Its white
It burns but
when its rinsed
I look a new born Puerto Rician Girl
You see thats what my type of women strive for
the feeling of knowing that the teeth on my comb will not break as I part it
The natural girl don't have to worry about their hair breaking off
because they colored it
I do
talk about making sure I have the best shampoo and conditioner
I make sure my hair is well greased
or my split ends will become apart of my outfit
all this work for Beauty??
All this work so that my hair will be easier to maintain
seem like I have to go through a longer process when my hair is permed
So now I ask myself

Why Do I perm my Hair?

She will love me

I need her because she will love me
I need her because she will never leave me
see you don't understand how hard it is to find love
love that will stick around
even though you may be using me
I am using you too
because she is all I want
all I desire
I can show her what to do in life
Me being young doesn't mean anything
I have all this love inside of me
I been waiting for 16 years to share it with someone
so why not her
she will love me
you wait and see
she will complete me
call me whatever you want
but she is who I desire
in 9 months I will have her.
Finally someone to love me....