Hating or speaking the truth

Ain't no hope in this youth
we run after famous people like beggers asking for change
We don't have no shame
we can't trying get one leg up at a time in the world
but we never realizing we sinking
until we look at our resume and
see that it has no accomplishment

LaLa Land

As he is entering into dream land I am lost in reality. 
wondering where the love in my palm went. 
wondering how dumb was I to think that if he loved me he would put a bring on it. 
No instead he put an invisible leash on my heart and walked out on it. 
My heart skips a beat every time there is a tug on my leash. 
Every time there is a kiss on my lips or his soft mocha brown hands caressing my body. 
But then he turns the channel again because my station is once again boring. 
He comes around like the sun just to rotate my axis but does not realize that I am 
the planet his sun revolves around. 
I need someone around 365 days of a year. 
I'm not no Easter holiday love. 
You only wanna love me whenever CVS put out the 
Easter baskets. 
Then you tug at my heart and tell me that I am your favorite 
candy for this season. 
I want you year around so I don't mind being camouflage 
and fade into your background until its time for me to reappear. 
The idea of having you once in a while beats not having you at all. 
A little girl gave her heart to a young boy who turned into a grown man, 
who molested her for her love and left. 
Leaving this invisible leash around my heart. 
And every time he yell in his smooth barrow tone voice "come her girl" I go running. 
He ain't the only one sleeping. 
I'm awake and dreaming. 
Keep pressing the snooze button hoping I 
could just get fifteen more minutes left out of this dream before the sleeping 
pills I took to make me think this love will last forever wear off.

Simple two fingers that waves goodbye

Nothing to say to the girl whose heart u always break. Nothing to say to the

Only person who is constantly in ur life.
Nothing to say to the girl u Dodge
because its not ok to love her.
Nothing to say to the girl you said you could
marry.
Nothing to say to the heart u helped build but
love to break.
Nothing to say to the girl you use like a towel.
Nothing to say to the girl that is good
enough to fuck but not love.
Nothing to say to the girl you ignored in public
but love to fuck in private.
No need to say you ain't mean to do it this time
because last time you gave that same excuse.
No need for you to speak of us as a
couple because you walked out on me a couple times so I finally got the hint.
Nothing you say can redeem my heart from the comma you put it in.
Nothing to say
to me.
Because all the bullshit you done to me over these years have left me
with one conclusion.
DEUCES 

Porn Star

You think you know somebody when the idea of sex ruins their minds. 
Seems like the uncountable karma sutra positions that have been master in our bed are not
enough. 
You want a never changing porno star that can shape shift. 
You see what went on besides close doors were suppose to be enough to please you. Those porn
are stop, rewind, repeated and duplicate. 
But our love making wasn't wishful thinking it was great fucking. 
But the fucking wasn't good enough because I couldn't change mask every time I got on top of you. 
Asking myself what can I do. Could I tilt my neck back far enough to take him all in? 
Could I invite a friend would that make him love me again? 
Could I break my joints so that my leg could bend back far enough so he could literally break my back? 
Ain't nothing left for me to do because porn ruin my relationship before it started. 
watching porn since seven means he is on partner number 300. 
But really he is on two and that ain't good enough because he has no one else to compare me to. 
Seems like the Guy that wanted a porn star got one. 
But I have to take a number until he ready to retire from the business. 
My job was to please him whether he wanted me to ride, suck or bend over and touch the floor. 
His job was suppose to be to love me but instead he was considered with getting his numbers up when I have
always been his number one porn star. And please to admit it because I ride him
for him. I mean I rode him for him.

Little girl

I have never been that special girl
though i do not seek attention getting it once or twice would be nice.
I have never been that girl that people go out their way for.
I have never been that girl where people just automatically love.
I have been blessed with a personality that piss people off
But that's something I have to deal with
live with
love it or hate myself because of it
Never been that girl special enough for a surprise just that girl good enough to get an ear full of lies
then you ask me why its hard to trust
trust i gave faith a chance
but it turned around and spit in my face like raindrops
Don't tell me my sun will arise
I will have a son that will arise
before i reap my benefits out of life.
Feel like I walk into the dollar store and pick of that mystery bag
that mystery bag that says girl or boy but nobody every knows whats inside of it
you see I got a pile of shit
been having men inside me since I was an adolescent
you think that's a coincidence
while I was suppose to be playing with barbies
I was hiding my breast from the men in my family so that they could stop offering me a friendly hug.
The one thing I can't be honest about is my past
because once my veins open up the flow of guilt will succeed
now you feel pity for me
because I had to grow up fast
wearing short dresses to attract the attention of men
because I thought that was the thing to do
now you tell im rude
i have a tough girl mentality because being a child wasn't an option for me
so attention I sometimes seek because the little girl is lost within me

Beginning to my future

Been away from the one thing that brings me escape....

and now I have returned like moses
to part the seas of my lips
and allow poetry to flow through it
allow stories to flow through it
heartbreak
any pain this pain
I feel
I use to fight myself daily because I had no outlet
allowing others to be my cane
then wonder why I can't walk without them.
I was the chosen one
chosen enough to bare children and be called a women
but I let my shit flow like a man not giving a damn who sees
all these invisible lines on my body
looks like track marks because im the feen.
Too scared to open my eyes and admit I was done wrong
Shit been wrong
where the fuck I been in lala land
somewhere off smiling while my soul is crying
praying for a day of that
my lips will let my sorrow escape
will here it it.

Your predetermined life

I read about love
but that shit aint real
who you know is happy
single mothers rule the world where im from
and dads are the faster niggers on the tracks
aint no real love here... sorry mary you gotta keep search
only time i see love is on tv
only time i read about happily ever after is in books
and you see they dont even carry those shits in the library anymore
time to get that image out our youths head
girl you better bend over and back that ass up if you want "love"
niggas don't like personality
and aint no dude want no chick in school, who gonna correct them
nope the sooner you open your legs
the sooner you can complete the cycle.
you have been destined to fail since you came out the worm
if you aint willing to fight you gonna end up on welfare, with 4 kids and 3 baby daddies
your dreams may not be accepted but
at least dream for yourself.

Different ways of I love you

You can say it in any language but the fact of the matter is

I LOVE YOU

though sometimes I may hate you

S'agapo

Though those three simple words can not explain the space you take up in my heart

Je t'aime

Even though in the past I may have ran from the affection that you tried to offer me

Wo ie ni

Your name has forever be imprinted on my heart because

Ik hou van jou
Aloha wau ia 'oe
I LOVE YOU