Listening but not hearing

As you begin to speak
I begin to care less and less
about what your saying.
You want me to join into your excitement
but I don't find any enjoyment by doing so.
So what shall I do
Ignore
with hope that you will get the hint
or simply act like I care about you life
neither
are good for me
but the object of being a friend
is doing things you don't like
REALLY?

As I try to listen

I remember that you were not around to listen to my pain

so should I listen to your enjoyment?

Let's go

So I realize that this is my last semester but I really need to buckle down and get a grip on my life. I need to see what i am going to do with my life. How will I change and realize that this semester is my last one. There are no room for mistakes, all the mistakes are done and it is time for me to grasp on to this semester. Time for me to take a step into my future and stop playing around with my life like it is the game. I have played long enough but it is time for results...therefore I must start now.

random pissed out thoughts 1

Victim is what you call out when things don't go your way
but have you ever considered yourself difficult
people can break their back but you wouldn't be pleased
so think maybe you are the program.
You question what everybody is not doing for you
but you have yet to show your abilities to others
you paint the picture as if your perfect
but I don't see it
so how can you?
I know its hard to call your own kettle black
but maybe its time
because nobody will be on bending knees waiting for you to come around.

Horoscopes

I remember when I use to follow horoscopes like it was the end of the world. But then I realized that it starts to limit your abilities because you are so worried about what your horoscope says that you are not living your life. I will look at my horoscope every now and then, but it will be at the end of the day so that I can take time to reflect or what it says. That way I am able to see how valid it was to my life. I know some people however, who follow horoscopes to the very end. Why allow things like horoscopes to limit you? It is ok to have a guide through life but the keep is to let it guide you and not control you

Gain Real Friends

Some people are so scared to be alone that they surround themselves with people they don't even like. Then they are always talking about how horrible the other person is. I mean fuck if you weren't so desperate to have friends then you wouldn't be dogging them. I mean if you really think about it you are usually by yourself anyway, you just like the idea of being in the in crowd, when your really in the out crowd. Why can't people be happy with who they are? I use to be jealous of people who had so many friends then, I took a good look at the group, and everyone was bitching at everyone. I feel as if people are stealing their soul to gain friends and then trying to gain their souls back by talking to them. When you are sad and feeling like you need someone thats when you can count who your real friends. Gain real friends not people that you can spend time with when your bored.

Boyfriend?

There is this gray area that has fell upon us
I know where we are and what we can be
but I don't know what to call you.
The title that has been stamped in my head you made me forget
so now as we rebuild us
I am still puzzled as to what us is
I would ask you but you don't seem to know
and I frankly just can't go along with the flow
this aint no over night success
This ain't no love that can be categorized as "talking to"
you are more than my boo,
this guy im feeling
you are the only imagine that comes across my mind when I think of husband
but now when someone mentions the word boyfriend
mind shots a blank
and my heart goes num.

Simple Girl..Doin Big Things

I like to look nice but not be flashy
I like attention but not too much to be notice
I am a simple girl
who walks with confidence
and demands respect....

Welcome to Polyvore! by LADYLEARNER

I am doing things
HELLA BIG
AND HELLA PROUD

Just Friends

I don't see the difference between you and my boyfriend
everything I do for him you want done for you
but frankly that can't happen
we are friends, just friends
no im telling you I miss you as soon as you leave
or calling you twelve times a day to hear your voice.
Don't consider me your significance other because we are just friends
consider me your sister
someone who loves you
but not someone who will dedicate every minute of their life to you
I never signed up to be a player
a girl who juggles her man vs. a needy friend
understand that I love you
but it will never be the same love I give to him
our love is missing intimacy
the kind of affection and love that I will only ever feel for my man
We can not be lovers and friends
friend is all im offering
a lover can be found else where....

Who Am I- Nick Jonas

This song speaks to my heart

"I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am"

I want someone who can appreciate me
even those days when I lost myself
I want him to love me for that
Show me who I am again
and show me that no matter
they will love me
until I completely find myself

Walk with me on my journey
help me with my path
don't step in my way
but guide me with a simple nudge
but most importantly
accept my mistakes
because they will be made

Family

I told him I would be there for him
But how?
How can the words of a friend be enough to mend his broken heart?
He was there for me when I lost my grandfather
his presence alone did the trick
he demanded to be there
and at that point he became my family.
How can I show that I am his family?

For RJ

His Family His Pain

How can I ever protect him from this pain?
His roots are far more deeper in the country he has only visited once.
Conversations he use to try to ignore, he now knows the value of just hearing a Hi
I sit watching him unfold his layers
becoming vulnerable to the people he barely knows.
But blood is thicker than water
and when you family hurts so do you.
I consider him my family, therefore I hurt.

But what do I say
The worst words ever created was " It will be ok"
everyone's pain is different and his is killing me.
A man built on strength
is on his knees
begging for strength to lift his family up out this crisis
It is my role to be by his side
but is that good enough
because my words wouldn't be able to heal his pain
but can my presence help him through his pain?

Running backwards

Have you ever been unsure as to if you should give up or not
I mean each day is a battle
Everything is either positive or negative
There is no room in the middle for fun
The days where you use to lounge at home and have the best days of your life
I watch my youth fade away and wish I could catch it
I wish I could run backwards and do shit I have been dying to for years
But instead I just think about what a great time that would have been.
The age old question is do or think?
Swim or sink?
Seems like most of my life I have been sinking
Slowly getting mature when I could have been living my life without a safety jacket
Now all I do is listen to countless stories of people living the good life
While I am left just dreaming about mine.
I want to release this safety jacket and go for it
But I don’t want to be that :old chick:
Who is trying to get it in but should be sitting on the bench
As my age increases I have no time for mistakes
But when I was able to make mistakes I thought it was childish
Now I dream about being a child again.
As I stand here on the bridge between adulthood and the good life
What is a girl to do?
Should I enjoy the good life in my adulthood years?
Or continue being the adult I always thought I was?
The dilemma is not easy
But neither is living your life regretting
Dreaming
Thinking
Maybe, just maybe its finally time to start doing.

Save yourself

Why do girls find the need to find a savior in a man they just met. It is just the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. You have known a guy for less than a month and you told him everything about you. As if he can save you from your past. I mean is it really bothering you if it was so easy for you to open up about it? How can a girl have such a dark past that comes to light within two seconds, sorry I am not a believer. Girls run around searching for a daddy, a man you meet on the streets is not your daddy. If your past is so dark then allow yourself sometime to figure out what the hell your going to do then move from there. No guy you just met can save you from your past only you can. You need to find someone you are comfortable with and allow them to comfort your ass, not save your ass.