Shelf

Every thing is so familiar as if it was this time last year all over again, but last time it was fact and I am just wishing that this time is fiction, but i honestly have no clue. Just because you want this to be different do not mean that they will be. I am a realist I can't live my life blind to the fact that history may be repeating itself. I have the same feelings. The same fear of touching the phone and unlocking secrets that my heart can't handle. The urge to see whats behind door number three. No need to ask because decoding a lie is not that easy. Getting into a defensive situation is not something I want, so my questions remain on the shelf. I would want to believe that word would be bond but once accreditation was losted once, its hard to get it back. But can I truly say that I like to refer to real facts but I have none. Is it that I like the idea of history to be repeated, maybe that will explain our downfall. But something has to be wrong because after one problem comes another and another.

I don't want to build a shelf of words untold, so what choice do I have because being bitter is not gonna work for me.

Heavy Heart

I am at this point where I have emotions, but I am not sure how to word them or even if I want to word them. But I know that their is something heavy on my chest, and it all boils down to trust. Can you blame someone for not being trustworthy? Or does the blame fall on you? My confusion can only be solved with a conservation but why are the most important conversations the one we don't want to have? I mean it is just gonna bring me closer to a decision but some time the decisions we come up with are the ones we don't want to have, but we truly need. So here I am with a conversation on my heart but just maybe I am too scared to make a final decision? Maybe I know the answer and don't want to hear it.

A beautiful Figure of a man

A Beautiful Figure of a man

Fate brought us together

but girls tried to break us a part.

I am not talking about those random girls

That I have never come across a day in my life.

I am talking about my friends,

those smile in your face bitches

those chicks who try to get to know you with hopes of getting to know him better.

I remember a day

when I saw my friend try to push up on his

and my soul was crushed

but I quickly realized that I was in high school.

There are not fine guys

just roaming around this oswego parts.

I see why people liked him

why people admired him.

But it should have stopped there,

seems like horny, shameless girls

have no boundaries

as long as they get land.

But their poor attempts

inspired me to step my game up.

* Thank you to all the thristy girls who have ever tried to preserve him, and to my so-called-friends I am sad that you couldn't admire or friendship and respect me and his relationship.

TAKE BACK THE NIGT

Today I took time out to march for the girl, that was once in me
Tonight I took time out for the girl, who has to live with this pain for the rest of her life
Tonight was a special night to hear and feel support from victims,survivors and just supporters of awareness. Tonight people put their pride aside to take a stand and declare that sexual violence is not expected. It takes a lot out of a person to march for a cause that effects them. It takes a lot for people to look their situation in the cafe and say I will not longer put up with having my body disrespected. People need to realize that sexual assault is an extremely important issue and putting it under the rugs, is not acceptable. You may think that it is okay to hide your secret but imagine millions of women, children and men hiding their secrets. That is not a world I want to imagine, nobody can force a victim to become a survivor but there is help out there. When you time is right just search for it...

A LESSON COMES IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES..JUST TAKE IT IN

I am a girl

Shut up
you can't do this
you will never be nothing in life.
I am a girl
who beats up herself
A girl who never feels good
about anything she does
she thinks its just one step up
but look up there are a thousand more to go.
I am a girl
who does not care if any
else says that she is doing a good job
because she knows she can do better.
Rewarding yourself
whats that
You can't reward yourself
for a meter when you still have a mile left to do.
I am a girl
who will never reach her destination
because it is forever changing
I am a girl who has to be better
who has to do better
So just thinking I can succeed
at being average is not any option.
I am a girl
who can not become a women
because a women
realizes that with each
obstacle comes a celebration.
For there are people who could even make it thus far
But I have so I need to accept my reward.

I wish I wasn't

Im home alone again

And youre out, hanging with your friends

So you say, but I know its not quite that way

Its getting pretty late and you havent checked on me all day

When I called you didnt answer

Now Im feeling like youre ignoring me

I wish that you were home

Holding me,tight in your arms

And I wish, I could go back

To the day before we met and skip my regret

I wish I wasnt in love with you

So you couldnt hurt me

It just aint fair the way you treat me

No you dont deserve me

Wasted my time thinking about you and you aint never gone change

I wish I wasnt in love with you

So I wouldnt feel this way

When you touch me my heart melts

And everything you did wrong I forget

So you play me and take advantage

Of the love that I feel for you

Why you wanna hurt me so bad

I believed in you thats why Im so mad

Now Im drowning in disappointment, and its hard for me to even look at you

Said you care about me, but from what I see

I aint feeling that, so I disagree

Gave you all my love and understanding and you treated me like your enemy

So leave me alone, dont want nothing from you

Just go back where you came from this house is no longer your home

You can not never come no more

Credit to Heather Headley

Screams Chapter 1

Don't ever let the voices get trapped in your head

scream if you have to scream....

I feel as if distancing myself from some people is the best thing I have did this semester. Like I am sick of the ME ME ME shit like I don't have a life of my own or my life is not important because some people can't get their head out their own ass. I am sorry if you never had the spotlight before but in my life their is no spotlight just strictly respect. I am not bending backwards for someone that doesn't do shit for me but complains. I am sick of people who put one friend over another friend. I am sick of people who allow other people to walk all over them and look at me like im stupid for staying to myself. I am sick of trying tell someone how I feel then being interpreted by more of there drama, sorry its my turn the fuck. I am sick of girls fucking strolling but only got one letter. Your purpose is not to stroll so please stop. I am sick of men with no balls who can't stand up for themselves. I AM SO SICK OF FUCKING VICTIMS. If you are still alive then get the fuck over it, if not cry, scream, write do whatever you need to but get through it. People still living in the past with no hope of getting to the future. What good comes with being bitter. I am sick of people who can not balance their lives. Sick of people who don't know the difference between business and personal life. Sick of people who judge girls for being a whore, mean while you only fucked one less guy than she did. I am sick of people who can;t live their own lives so they have to always make fun of others. I am sick of BROKE ASS UGLY BITCHES WHO WANT EVANS, SWEETIE IF HE WANTED YOU HE WOULD GO AFTER YOU. So please don't fucking roll your eyes at me. I am sick of SO-CALLED-FRIENDS who serceting wanted to fuck Evans. Lastly, I am sick of people who take everything fucking personally, these are my thoughts and I have a right to express them. If you do not like it well that is not my damn problem but go ahead and comment. I will gladly discuss my views

Till next chapter....

Imagines

How can you get mad if I never promised you anything?
How can you be mad at something I never said?
see we make up these imagines in our head,
and figures that it has to be that way
but when it doesn't we're upset
blaming it on someone else
when the picture that you created to yourself,
has always been fictional.
We can try to plan and hope for things to happen
But when it doesn't you can't be mad
because life has its own course
and things will not go your way.
So you pick up and move along.

The world revolves around you

This is a service announcement:

I am sorry if you have never had anything in life

or you just want everything.

But I am not your puppet and you are not my master

I am not sitting in the audience

And you are not on stage

Therefore stop thinking my world revolves around you

I may be in your world

but your problems are not mine.

Sorry to tell you

but its not all about you

its about me

and everyone else who has a damn life.

I can keep listening

to how you want to be number 1

well find a world where there is no one else there

and be number one

but on earth

your just average

your problems are not better than mines

and do not come before mines.

Everything is not going to go your way

people have to live their lives

So simple put please

stop thinking the world revolves around you

Pencil You In

Meet me here for dinner

Then later we can meet back up discuss our day

then sex at 8pm

Then sleep around 12 because we got to wake up for a long day tomorrow

Is the the schedule that is in store for us
whatever happened to the randomness
the time that we use to spend doing nothing
Guess you win some and you lose someone
or atleast a part of our relationship.
Funny how you start to buckle down on your work
Then your relationship falls victim to it.
Sad to think how
most of our relationship is carried out through technology.
I do care what era we are in
nothing can replace his whispers in my ear.


Seems like everything is being replaced
No more round twos during sex
instead we pull out textbooks to get our work done.
No more sleeping late on weekends
instead we wake up to chase that dollar.
The things we use to find that were fun are slowly being replaced by boredom
No more helping each other with important projects
because its not on our schedule.
We are so busy clouding with our own problems
that we can't see when the other one needs us.
Where the hell did UNITY go
is it tangled between our textbooks
or did the idea of succeeding become to much
For our relationship to remain at its
normal state.
Seems like the thought of getting older is no more fun
because the idea of being in love is not on my To-do -list

It comes down to me

Hopefully these words can express my struggle, the battle I am having everyday:

I want so bad to make up for the poor mistakes I made. So here I am blood sweat and all fighting to prove that I can make it. Prove that I can do better and will be better. Every time someone doubts me I get an extra boost. But I should not have to rely on hate to boost me. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SELF CONFIDENCE?? I need to know for self that I am great and that I can achieve everything I put my mind too. I do not need no pity party or a pat on my back. I need my own damn self confidence to say hey you can do it. I need my own self control to tell what the fuck am I doing, I got work to do there for I can not be bullshitting. But instead it seems like they have all taken a break, waiting for me to get my shit together so that they may join in. I realize that I have put myself in this hole. And with no rope, no friends no wishful dreams. I have to pull myself out this rut blood sweat and tears. because this life I am living is mine and no one else can have control over it but ME

Pain don't equal fight

All this girl feels is pain

her past has her trying to fight her way through the future.

But it doesn't work

she blames it on everyone else

but when she is behind close doors

she feels the pain

the pain of her life running past her

while she is at a stand still

still trying to fight ghost

that has vanished long ago

her heart is not sealed

so she can't allow anyone in.

The only love she knows is pain

and to her

pain brings joy

joy as she sits her room alone

and feel as if the world is against

not knowing that there are people that think about her

want her to get herself better

and wants her to catch up with her future

that keeps passing her.

Just want her know

that there are people that care

and she doesn't have to fight them

in order to let them in.

I would like to thank my friends for inspiring my works...This poem is for a girl who is hiding behind her pain.

Omg. Omg! Omfg!

The greatest thing ever created besides a vibrator, has been text messaging.

The worst thing to ever happen to a relationship is text messaging

My one major flaw with text messaging is peopling thinking that every time is a good time to text. Do not text during a kiss. Do not text while we are trying to get it popping ( unless to warn your roommate). Do not text during a date. And the worst one yet DO NOT TEXT DURING SEX. Understandable that texting has become addictive but sometimes it is not the right time. The only time you should ever pick up a phone during sex is when you want to call 911 after an all nighter because your exhausted. I have never came across a text message so important that it needs to be answered during sex. If you must text during sex then clearly something is not being done right, because you should not be able to grip let alone focus on a cell phone.

My faith

This is a subject I have been struggling with for a while, because I felt as if in order to be down I needed to pick a side. As if all religious groups were at war with each other. But if everyone is loving some higher power, what is the point of choosing which group I represent.

My faith is something I hold dear to me.

It is not something I need anyone trying to depict.

Nor should anyone worry about what I classify myself as.

I will not be defined by my faith, I want to be an individual.

I believe in a higher spirit but I do not need to pick a group.

Decide which group is more worthy than another.

My faith is my own business

whether I want to say I don't believe in God

but I want to listen to gospel

is my own business.

It is not for no one else to pick and choose about.

In the words of Common " why do I have to have religion if I believe in God"

Just accept that all people are not created equal and nor do they think that way.

Me = Her

As your friend I support you

but what you are doing is wrong.

I feel this girls pain

the same pain I tell you I feel

when I found out I wasn't the only girl in his life.

I told you how it broke me

but you were

out there breaking her heart.

Sleeping with her man

So how can I come to you

with my pain

when you are causing

someone else

the same grief.

Graduate

Destiny

Destiny

Destiny

Those are the words that motivate me

Those are the words that make me stay up at 3am to try and finish a paper

Those are the words that prevents me from going out

Destiny

Is the reason I neglect my boyfriend

Destiny

Is the reason I am locked in my room

Destiny

Is the reason that I never have time to call my mother

Destiny can help me gain so much, but at the moment all I am doing is losing....

What will destiny be worth when everyone else is gone?

Knowing your place

In dedication to Ms. Tina Turner

I believe its hard to imagine someone beating me who is not a women. Someone forcing to stay in a role that does not fit me. Someone who is suppose to love me but instead blacks my eye. The whole idea is very unsettling, but yet many women face this problem everyday. How can a women stop herself from becoming effected by violence. How can a women stop a fist from reaching her face when love is her only shield? How can a women stand up to a guy who she thought would protect her? Love is blind but some shit you need to see coming.

The Road

I see the road I wanna go on

And I envision him by my side

but there are issues

that he has caused

that I need to figure out

because neither one of us can go on this path

still holding on to the past

so as I look down this road

will I be able to leave the issues here

and start on the path.

Can trust be built over once destroyed?

Can love be fixed once shattered?

Can I truly forgive?

I am waiting to start on this road but can't seem to drop everything, even when I want to. Wondering how can this possible be fixed?

Or do I need to leave this path alone and just make it a friendly road I usually take?

Jenga

When I was in high school

I dreamed of the perfect person to play jenga with

Then I found him

We carefully put every piece together to ensure that it wouldn't fall.

Once we had to start all over again

but this foundation was much stronger.

For many years we built this masterpiece

piece by piece

obstacle after obstacle.

Five years built on a solid rock.

Until one day

he asked another person to join in our legacy

As she pulled out that last middle piece that was holding the game together

our history started to crumble

piece by piece

every thing we built was shattered.

Didn't take long for him to realize that

I was the better person to play Jenga with him.

As he rapidly put the piece back together

he didn't notice that the foundation had started to fade away.

What was once our legacy

has now became a one person's game.

And I am just the viewer

wondering who is the next player to come our way.

Shattered Tears

I feel like these words will never utter my lips

because he doesn't wanna hear it

says it makes him sick

the thought of keep bringing it up

he says its "old news"

but it seems like that news come with more and more tear drops

every time I thinking about it.

Scared to leave his side

for feelings that I might be replaced.

The same guy I want to hold me and kiss me

done explored the throat of someone else.

Even a year later my eyes still swell from the thought of it.

Every time I see her face hate runs through my mind

hate for the fact that she had some part of me

some part of us

but fuck

us was left back in a draw

every time she entered the room

trying to become me.

And you let her

a commitment of five years

was vanished in two weeks

But yet a year later I am told to get over it

like fuck it

its done

but im still picking years out the garbage

wondering how much longer can I take this pain

Flashing images scares the marriage right out my heart

Fear clouds my head every day

How did I not see that storm coming

but the rain lives inside me

Even a year later

it strolls down my face

when I think about the love that was left to die

on that sudden day.