My mind wants to speak

You know how you have an idea in your mind and you have to ask yourself am I wrong?

So here is my problem when is it okay for your spouse to be holding "casual" conversations. Like 12am or 1am can be okay but when does it become too late. Like nobody wants to set rules and barriers on a relationship but when does it come to the point that the wrong message is being sent. Like say if its 5am in the morning why would I be carrying on a conservation with someone else's man. Is it that my relationship is too friendly or that we feel too independent to believe that the other can say " hey that's a little uncalled for".

I find myself not liking a lot of things but what do I say to have my voice heard and be taking into consideration. I believe that just because he is okay with everything does not mean I am. I have many reasons to be worried and I am worried. I do believe that his actions are the reason for many problems. The things he begin to brush off I take very seriously. So am I over thinking the situation, or is he not thinking enough. I have come to the point where I am letting too many things slide but I am not happy with the message he sends out. I do not believe he sees things through my eyes. So I wonder when will it ever stop because I feel like even though it may be harmless it boils down to a lack of consideration. I believe he may not even factor in the message he sends to people. I was to watches hisself better, because he is just living but never wants to face whats comes with it. Just not sure how much I can bite my tongue.

Sticks and stones

I remember when I was on my way home from church one day and my grandmother told me the famous saying:

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Now I do understand why as a child a message like this would be given to a child but I am one who does not believe that this quote is true. I think words can truly leave scars just like whips can. I like how parents try to motivate their child to think above these words that may hurt them. But I bet these parents are holding onto words that once hurt them. So maybe instead of telling children to ignore the words that are thrown their way. We should teach them how to cope with these words and that words do not limit what you can become. Or maybe parents are right WORDS do not hurt the child but but phrases do. I mean if some called you a bitch vs. a sloppy fat cow which one would stick with you more. I do not know what I will do as a parent but I do know that words truly do hurt..so what should be done.

Love Self

I can't wait for a stranger to love me I have to love self
That may not come over night but it shall occur
And I will be waiting open arms to embrace me
I will show it all the love I have from with in.
I will show me that when no one else is around I will be


Women don't know how to stand on their own two feet and I have to admit that I have had
that problem but it can be done. You can be better than what people make you out to be.
I had to learn and am still learning that people can judge you but they do not know what
defines you and you can not let them. How dare we let people get power over our lives and
our destinies. I had to let myself that people couldn't find joy in their lives, therefore
they tried to enter mine. And sadly I let them, I use to get so mad at what people use to
stay that I would think about it for hours, sometimes day. Meanwhile they have moved on with
their lives making fun of the next person. then I started to realize how dusty they were. How
unhappy there lives are and how popular they are making me. I learn on a daily basis how to love myself.

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf

Please Get A Copy And Read

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow Is Enuf

Ntozake Shange 1975

Written to “sing a black girl’s song … to sing her rhythms/ carin/ struggle/ hard times/ [to] … let her be born,” this play is a compilation of twenty poems performed by seven African American actresses. The poems are unified by a series of similar shared experiences of the actresses, who present a collage of experiences that articulate what it means to be a young black woman in the modern world. The play addresses the physical and emotional violence that is committed against women of color as well as addressing all women’s potential to triumph over the...

The Author continually revised and refined the poems and the movements in her search to express a female black identity. Improvisation is central to her celebration of the uniqueness of the black female body and language,

Reality

Found an old poem.....

Why would he do me like that

Leave scattered messages on his finger tips

The relationship he created lingers in his heart

While our forgotten love is bunched up in his pocket

Next to the phone that goes off every second when I'm not around

Seems like every time she comes around I magically disappear

While I'm stuck with sir lies-a lot

I look into his face n I don't know him

Stupid me thinking he could escape the dumb man gene

I refuse to keep walking by his side when he gets side track every hour, every day, every month

And next year it will be a new one

I have fallen victim to this pattern because love is a diease

But reality shall be my cure

VDay '10

My Valentine's Day did not measure up to the Feb. 14th before it

but for some reason I am ok with that occurence.

Because I want my love to last far beyond one day.

I want my commitment to be there once the clock strikes 12:00am

When Feb 15 came

I was happy to see his face next to mine

embrace his love.

With open arms

knowing that we are a couple again.

not a couple of fools we were the day before.

But a couple who understood that w are in love

and have been for awhile.

The 15th we spoke about our futures

and he was there for me when I wasn't certain what my next step might be.

So Feb. 14th did

bring the Flowers, The chocolate, and the teddy bear

but it also brought a conversation.

It brought me a friend to go to the mall with

A person to watch the All Star game with

But I am glad we were able to build a new understanding.

Feelings

Dear Ladies:

Just because you have feelings for a man does not mean you need to try to make him your boyfriend. Some feelings should be ignored because they only cause heartache. If he is willing to be with you then he will show you, he will step up. Don't come a 100%, don't give your all for a man who is not worth it. Women are so worried about being left alone that they settle for a half ass man and then wonder why they are not happy. Don't catch feelings and expect love to grow from it, some relationships are not meant to happen, so don't force them. The idea of being single bothers women but wouldn't you want to be a happy single women instead of a miserable women in a relationship. Just because you have a sexual encounter with a man does not mean you are in love with him. Just think about what you are trying to build your relationship off of.

Listen to feelings allow the words to hit home
because love is something that is meant to be special
and feelings are something that can be ignored

Let love come to you don't try to find it in a man's pants...because you will end up with a broken heart. We as women need to start making smart choices.

Don't chase a man that does not want to be with you. If he tells you he does not want to be in a relationship believe him. Dont believe you can change him.

Please Come Back

I was at the point when I was saying please don't leave me
but how do I get the point where I say
Please come back to me
You see your like
something I can borrow but I can't have
Your the book from the library that must be returned when I am finished with it
But will I ever have my own copy again.
You see ain't nothing like having something to yourself
something that you don't have to share
or something that will never leave you.
I never knew how special it was to me
until it left
so I beg
For its return the real question is
Why did it leave?

People say grow up everyone needs change
but what if you been growing with someone
and out of no where the want to grow on their on
but still have you there as some sort of back bone.
You see things like this I don't understand
I am good enough to be relied on
but not good enough to be CHERISHED
you fill me with empty words
but not the one words I want to be
Baby can we do this again

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My attempt at Vblogging
I have always been the type to have a poem in my heart or something to say but no pen or paper. You ever write down your emotions but its doesn't come out the way you want it to. So therefore I decided to Vblog. That way my thoughts can be captured when I need it to.

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MY FUTURE

My emotions always get the best of me
but this time
I am scared and I have no one to turn to
so I run
I have been running away from the future
that I want because I am scared
I am scared of being defeated
because I already am defeated
I feel like I am not good enough
there for I am not trying to be better
I know this road is ending
and I need to embrace what comes next
but I am not making moves to start a new chapter.
I have been dreaming
but my life has not caught up to reality.
I am sick of being scared
I need guidance
but my pride wouldn't let me ask for it.
I am sick of feeling weak
feeling hopeless
this is my future
I refuse to let it past me by
But how do I stand up to it
ALONE?

Im His Dominican Republic

"The earthquake we send the hurt shake

But the soul of the Haitian people it will never break"

I wonder if he knew I cried
Cried for his people that I never showed respect for
cried because he was hurt
cried because their was no solution I could give him.
As he lashed out at me
I took it because I couldn't heal him in any way
Couldn't find the words
that he needed it
but for the pass seven years I have been his Dominican Republic
right by his side
whether if he wanted my presences or not.
If Haiti is as strong as him then they will rebuild strong than before.

And I will be there for him to lean on

Whether as a girlfriend or friend

No victim here

Don't let me fool you I have been hurt
But why wear the word victim on my sleeve
Instead I wish to wear proud
Why should I recap everything that has went wrong in my life everyday
Why should I give someone that much attention
But most importantly why should I let someone see me hurt over their actions.
I like to appear polished
Not wore or used up
I do not want to appear strong
I want to be strong
I do not want my past taking away my confidence
I want my experiences to make me over
make me into a survivor
because victim is not a word associated with my name

To Him

To Him:

I can't begin to imagine the love you feel for me

but I can begin to recap what you have done for me

how you have not been in my life long enough to remember my middle name

but want me to use my day time minutes listening to your bullshit

See Im not having it

If the love is not shown then it simple ain't there

I am not going to search for the fragment love

that was suppose to be there since birth.

As I am shy of my 22 birthday

you think its fair to enter to my life

Im sorry Im grown

My mother has been took her bow for raising me

While you been trying leech off my glory

Oh no sorry

that daddy train is gone

I have been blessed to have father figures in my life

and your absence has made me stronger.

Your absent has made me the women I am today

And it has taught me to never be involved with a man like you.

Bundle of Lies

Give me a bundle of hope

so that I can face tomorrow in stride.

Don't give me a bundle of lies

because then I will walk out blind.

Don't shelter me with fairy tales

because then reality wouldn't even be enough.

Just give me the truth

Give me the bundle of horror stories

so that I am scared but still aware

don't give me a perfect world with clear skies and rainbows

because then my name would be dummy.

Give me a bundle of support

so that i can make it through this thing called life.

But a bundle of lies will not be accepted